You are in a million...

Jumpa dengan seorang pemuda pada 16 July 2014. And I thought he would be the same like other guys. You know lah nowadays guys, they would rather go for looks and only one thing in their mind that is intimate affairs. But I was wrong.

After the meet up we still keep in touch. And he was attracted to me and so called miss me lah. 4 days later on the 20 July 2014 we meet up again. This time round he made confessions. Having trust issues with men, I decided to just go with flow.

Slowly he showed me that he is sincere and I slowly open up my heart to him. I mightnot love him 100% but it seems that I can't live without him. Thank Ibrahim for accepting me for who I am. I am looking forward to be your halal wife and walk with you through out. So ya dat's my love story.

Aku ingin luahkan..

Bila kita berbual tak perlu lah world sangat. Bila da tercepit baru nak sedar. Kdg bila kita diam org boleh pijak kepala kita. Tapi hari ni rasanya aku mcm da meletup tu pun sikit je. I don't like to be push here and there. Sorry lah I don't mean it tapi kadang bila dengar kawan tu ada ramai sangat kawan kenapa tak nak minta tolong dengan kawan-kawan yang lain? Kelakar kan?

I can be very understanding but don't push to my limits. At times I need people to understand me too. And saya tak suka kalau orang tak nak cuba faham keadaan saya or worst still kasi harapan.

Mungkin saya ni banyak give in dan tak tegas. So saya rasa saya akan mula tegas mulai sekarang ini. Penat lah asyik fikir pasal orang. Ye-ye cakap nak tolong tapi ntah buat ke tak. It's like I am having a trust issue now. Masih ingat lagi kata kawan keje lama, Pak Mail, kesiankan diri kita sendiri dulu baru kesiankan orang lain. So ya.

Ramadan

Alhamdulillah dapat bertemu semula dengan bulan yang penuh barakha ini. Mudah-mudahan amalan yang kami buat akan diterima oleh Allah(s.w.t). Alhamdulillah saya pun da dapat kerja baru yeaaahhh!!

Tak sabar rasanya nak mula kerja di tempat yang baru. It would be my biggest challenge and I don't know whether I could make it or not. I'll shall leave this place and organisation with an open heart and mind.

It had been a challenging year for me. From here I know who are my friends and foes. Allah is so great that HE had show me everything from worst to bad and good. How can I not be grateful for what he had given me?

I am still searching for the peace and I know I have to do it alone and keep moving on forward. That's all for now!

Expression

When someone give you that kind of like. Like kind of hatred or menyampah look you will feel it. To be frank yes I pun menyampah to see your face. Selagi kesabaran ni masih ada selagi tu lah aku akan sabar. Anyway I can't wait to update my resume and leave the organisation a.s.a.p! It's killing me deep inside. Ya I know I shouldn't have listen to any opinions that could kill my passion.

I can't work with negative people and unfair people. Nevertheless, I had made up my mind to leave a.s.a.p. Semoga urusan ku dipermudahkan amin.

It's been Awhile..

It's been awhile, since I have not been updating this blog of mine. There's alot that I have been keeping inside me. From anger to hatred and yes I know it's not right to have that kind of feelings. But then again I am human.

Anyway I was been transfer to old folk's home as there was allegations made against me. So how do I take it then? First I was angry as these kind of things happen to me but then I realised that ALLAH(s.w.t) is giving me this test. As days goes by, I learnt and accept my fate and destiny.

When I am in the old folk's home, I thought it would be better but I was wrong. The people as in the colleagues are nice but then again like a malay proverb saying "rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain." The boss? Haizz no words could describe. All I know now is to be careful whom I talk and share with.

My plan is to tender after Shawal. For now I just need to update my resume and start sending. ALLAH has better plan for me. I don't see myself moving forward in this organisation. So ya....

I tried and tired.

It been quite sometimes since I update this blog of mine. Been busy with work and family. Sometimes, I just wish that this feelings would just go away and forget about the past. I tried to look for him and I am tired. I am just too tired. I don't know sometimes it is just not fair to me. I guess I can't really forget about my relationship that I had 8 years back.

People might see me that I had move on but deep in me, I am not moving on at all. I guess the relationship that I had was just wonderful and perfect but I had let it go. How stupid I was!!! Maybe I just stop searching for him coz I know he won't come back again. I keep telling myself he is not for me but haizz it's the heart that say he is for me! It really drives me nuts!!

Goodbye 2010...

2010 had been a memorable year for me. At the begining of the year, at the month of Feb 24th the person who I dearly loved left us without saying goodbye. I thought my world was going to end. She has been taking care of since the first day I see the world. She is my grandmother, Hjh Nekmah Bte Maksom. My life almost torn into pieces. The thing is that she is always there to listen to my stories and shared my problems. The problem with me is that the bonding me with my parents are not so closed. Until now, I have been keeping alot to myself and I tried to be close to them. To me losing a family member is like losing parts of my body.

It didn't end here. As months goes by, an uncle passed on, followed by a cousin who passed away in an accident and another grandmother passed on.

On the November 19th, I sent my eldest sister, Norimah Bte Abdul Rahim to the hospital. I thought her condition will be much more better but it got worst. This time, I spent most of the time visiting her even though I am tired with work. Had to rush from work to hospital. Only GOD knows how I felt at that time of point. Around late November, she kept having relapsed and it makes me more worried. What makes me more emotionally depressed came from my work place. They thought I was trying to make a joke when everytime I asked for urgent leave. Thank GOD, I got supportive colleagues. They even ask me not to come to work with this kind of condition coz they saw what's happening to my sister.

On the December 1st at 1230hrs, my sister left us. I was beside her. I guess she understand my situation and waited for me to come and be with her until her last breathe. She passed away leaving 2 beautiful daughters behind age 7 and 5. Few weeks later, a cousin passed away due to heart attack.

Life is so unpredictable. Life is so precious. You will never know when you be called back to the creator. Life has to move on and treasure the loved ones. I made a promise to myself and I don't want to feel the guiltiness again. For what had happened in 2010 is an eye opener for me, to appreciate my loved ones. Somehow I wish I could turn back time and make them alive again but it is impossible.

From bottom of my heart, I would like to say a big thank you for those who have be supportive and shared what I had been through. THANK YOU. I am wiping my tears.